Hi there Internet, remember me?
Jeez, I can't believe I remembered the password for this silly thing. I barely even recalled it existed until some friends googled my name in our first period class one morning a few weeks ago and this came up. But that's not what's important here.
It's been nearly three years since I first posted on this ludicrously vain little blog, and although it never had much of a following, I feel it's only fair to update things a little rather than just closing it down. Who knows, perhaps ten years from now, my children will read this and it will give them as many giggles as it did for me. In which case, hi kiddies.
A General Update
I started this when I was about to walk into my freshman year, outfitted in a fresh new pair of braces and my knees knocking with fear. I was madly in puppy love with the same guy since 6th grade, who--as per middle school tradition--had no idea I so much as existed.
BUT *cue dramatic music*, now I am about to be a big bad senior and just about everything has changed. I've grown nearly five inches, have sparkling new teeth (yay for veneers! There is hope for the tiny=teethed people of the world after all), a couple of fat scholarships under my belt, and oh yeah, an awesome effing life.
Everybody, meet Thaden
Thaden is my boyfriend since February of freshman year. And he's wonderful.
I know it's cheesy to say that your bodyfriend is your best friend, but seriously guys. There is no one who makes me as happy as this one. He's a graduated senior as of three days ago, and while we're under no illusions of forever, I wouldn't complain to spend the rest of my life with him.
And what happened to Tommy, the original guy, you may ask. Well, he's now the biggest redneck you've ever met. As I understand, he's a pretty nice guy actually, but I just can't get past the utter lack of class he exudes. I mean, COME ON. A camo hat every day? We live in California, buddy. Represent.
A wrap up of freshman year
My classes were pretty easy, but the social transition into high school was challenging. It was amazing to suddenly be catapulted into a school of nearly TWO THOUSAND PEOPLE from my middle school, where our eighth grade class was thirty people. It was a culture shock getting used to meeting someone new almost every day, but soon I came to love the diversity in my social circles and the freedom to decide who I might want to be. Not that I knew who that was, nor was I entirely willing to persue it without attachments to my previous life. Unrequited love broke my heart. My best friend and I drifted far apart. Although I was surrounded by more people than I had ever met in my entire life, I never felt more alone than that first winter.
When a boy I had grown up with was killed in a car accident that spring, I met a rude awakening: life is so fragile. Tim always told everybody to live free, and to this very day, I fight against my extraordinarily average nature to live a life he would be proud of. I reached out to old friends and flung myself toward new ones. I released prior inhibitions and actively chased every opportunity presented to me.
And it was awesome. I got a boyfriend, I made friends, I was happy.
My advice to freshman based on this experience: Let go and get involved. Oh yeah, and don't get in a sports car driven by a teenager on a windy road.
Sophomore year
I walked into sophomore pretty happy. I thought I had my shit figured out and my ducks all in a neat little row.
And for a long time, it worked out really well for me. I was happy. My classes were interesting, I had a ton of friends, I knew the names of EVERYONE, and I got party invitations every weekend. Frankly, I was pretty cool.
By the middle of the year, I had it pretty well established that I don't drink (good girl here). And although the party invitations stopped flooding in, that didn't stop me from developing close bonds with all sorts of people. The thing is that I developed a pretty open mind, which has continued to allow me to embrace people from all walks of life even when I don't agree with their personal choices. A group of girls in my PE class and I bonded over gossip and Cox (our teacher, that is. Not male genetalia). In my first period, we developed a familial bond and got to explore our own moral beliefs over debates, which I will never forget. At lunch, Thaden and his friends continued to amuse me with their goofy drama kid antics. It seemed like everywhere I went during my sophomore year, I had friends to greet me.
My advice to sophomores based on this experience: If you love people, they'll love you in return.
Junior Year
Oh my stars, junior year was tough in every way imaginable. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but goodness gracious.
In the fall, I lost a dear friend of mine because he decided that not only was he attracted to me, but he wanted me. You know, that way. He made a lot of inappropriate moves and made us both generally uncomfortable and miserable and so I decided to nip that friendship off before things got out of hand. You don't realize how much someone means to you until you break their heart though, and I still miss Ben all the time. Or at least, I miss how things had been before they got complicated and awkward.
I can pinpoint one weekend in early September when things were harder for me than ever before. On Saturday morning, authorities discovered the body of Linnea Lomax, a local girl whose story had been very close to my heart since her disappearance. I too have severe anxiety disorder and losing Linnea hit my remarkably hard as I realized I was hurtling myself down a similar path with too all my ambition and expectations. Then, on Sunday morning, I recieved the phone call that another boy I had grown up with had passed away following an experiment with an unknown (at the time) drug. It was a tough weekend for our small town as we mourned the deaths of two of the sunniest personalities we had ever had the pleasure of encountering. That weekend was, without a doubt, the hardest of my entire life, but by bonding together with my high school's strong student body, we all made it through.
When the numbness of mourning began to fade away, I was struck with challenging classes. As I previously mentioned, I have anxiety disorder, which has always made being at an advanced academic level just a little harder for me than for most people. I'm exceptionally hard on myself and always expect much more than I am capable of. Anyway, I hardly ever slept and I studied all the time. I remember literally dreaming about reciting
The Sound and The Fury because I had studied it so much before bed. But by some miracle, I managed to get through the year with straight As and a couple of scholarships under my belt. I thank coffee.
Also straight? My gorgeous teeth. And right after getting my braces removed and becoming a "hot mofo" (as a blind man told me about a week ago. Yes, you read that right. A blind man. I'd say you ought to take his comment with a grain of salt), I got involved with a fabulous photography studio, Studio B. I suppose that with the help of a great photographer and photoshop, I'm kind of beautiful? I don't know.
My advice to juniors based on my experience: Buckle down. You're in for a crazy ride.
So here we go
Onward and upward into senior year. I have no idea what life has in store for me (hopefully though, it's a one way ticket out of this dead end town), but I'm feeling pretty ready for it. Thanks to high school thus far, I know a lot more than I walked in with. I know that Thaden can always make me smile. I know now that my friends are numerous and awesome. I know that I am stronger by my losses. I know I can work hard. And I suppose I even know who I am. At least for now.
So here's one last piece of advice to you high schoolers, no matter what your age may be: Write it all down. If nothing else, you'll get a good laugh later.
With Love,
Hope
Posts
I know it's cheesy to say that your bodyfriend is your best friend, but seriously guys. There is no one who makes me as happy as this one. He's a graduated senior as of three days ago, and while we're under no illusions of forever, I wouldn't complain to spend the rest of my life with him.
And what happened to Tommy, the original guy, you may ask. Well, he's now the biggest redneck you've ever met. As I understand, he's a pretty nice guy actually, but I just can't get past the utter lack of class he exudes. I mean, COME ON. A camo hat every day? We live in California, buddy. Represent.
A wrap up of freshman year
My classes were pretty easy, but the social transition into high school was challenging. It was amazing to suddenly be catapulted into a school of nearly TWO THOUSAND PEOPLE from my middle school, where our eighth grade class was thirty people. It was a culture shock getting used to meeting someone new almost every day, but soon I came to love the diversity in my social circles and the freedom to decide who I might want to be. Not that I knew who that was, nor was I entirely willing to persue it without attachments to my previous life. Unrequited love broke my heart. My best friend and I drifted far apart. Although I was surrounded by more people than I had ever met in my entire life, I never felt more alone than that first winter.
When a boy I had grown up with was killed in a car accident that spring, I met a rude awakening: life is so fragile. Tim always told everybody to live free, and to this very day, I fight against my extraordinarily average nature to live a life he would be proud of. I reached out to old friends and flung myself toward new ones. I released prior inhibitions and actively chased every opportunity presented to me.
And it was awesome. I got a boyfriend, I made friends, I was happy.
My advice to freshman based on this experience: Let go and get involved. Oh yeah, and don't get in a sports car driven by a teenager on a windy road.
Sophomore year
I walked into sophomore pretty happy. I thought I had my shit figured out and my ducks all in a neat little row.
And for a long time, it worked out really well for me. I was happy. My classes were interesting, I had a ton of friends, I knew the names of EVERYONE, and I got party invitations every weekend. Frankly, I was pretty cool.
By the middle of the year, I had it pretty well established that I don't drink (good girl here). And although the party invitations stopped flooding in, that didn't stop me from developing close bonds with all sorts of people. The thing is that I developed a pretty open mind, which has continued to allow me to embrace people from all walks of life even when I don't agree with their personal choices. A group of girls in my PE class and I bonded over gossip and Cox (our teacher, that is. Not male genetalia). In my first period, we developed a familial bond and got to explore our own moral beliefs over debates, which I will never forget. At lunch, Thaden and his friends continued to amuse me with their goofy drama kid antics. It seemed like everywhere I went during my sophomore year, I had friends to greet me.
My advice to sophomores based on this experience: If you love people, they'll love you in return.
Junior Year
Oh my stars, junior year was tough in every way imaginable. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but goodness gracious.
In the fall, I lost a dear friend of mine because he decided that not only was he attracted to me, but he wanted me. You know, that way. He made a lot of inappropriate moves and made us both generally uncomfortable and miserable and so I decided to nip that friendship off before things got out of hand. You don't realize how much someone means to you until you break their heart though, and I still miss Ben all the time. Or at least, I miss how things had been before they got complicated and awkward.
I can pinpoint one weekend in early September when things were harder for me than ever before. On Saturday morning, authorities discovered the body of Linnea Lomax, a local girl whose story had been very close to my heart since her disappearance. I too have severe anxiety disorder and losing Linnea hit my remarkably hard as I realized I was hurtling myself down a similar path with too all my ambition and expectations. Then, on Sunday morning, I recieved the phone call that another boy I had grown up with had passed away following an experiment with an unknown (at the time) drug. It was a tough weekend for our small town as we mourned the deaths of two of the sunniest personalities we had ever had the pleasure of encountering. That weekend was, without a doubt, the hardest of my entire life, but by bonding together with my high school's strong student body, we all made it through.
When the numbness of mourning began to fade away, I was struck with challenging classes. As I previously mentioned, I have anxiety disorder, which has always made being at an advanced academic level just a little harder for me than for most people. I'm exceptionally hard on myself and always expect much more than I am capable of. Anyway, I hardly ever slept and I studied all the time. I remember literally dreaming about reciting The Sound and The Fury because I had studied it so much before bed. But by some miracle, I managed to get through the year with straight As and a couple of scholarships under my belt. I thank coffee.
Also straight? My gorgeous teeth. And right after getting my braces removed and becoming a "hot mofo" (as a blind man told me about a week ago. Yes, you read that right. A blind man. I'd say you ought to take his comment with a grain of salt), I got involved with a fabulous photography studio, Studio B. I suppose that with the help of a great photographer and photoshop, I'm kind of beautiful? I don't know.
My advice to juniors based on my experience: Buckle down. You're in for a crazy ride.
So here we go
Onward and upward into senior year. I have no idea what life has in store for me (hopefully though, it's a one way ticket out of this dead end town), but I'm feeling pretty ready for it. Thanks to high school thus far, I know a lot more than I walked in with. I know that Thaden can always make me smile. I know now that my friends are numerous and awesome. I know that I am stronger by my losses. I know I can work hard. And I suppose I even know who I am. At least for now.
So here's one last piece of advice to you high schoolers, no matter what your age may be: Write it all down. If nothing else, you'll get a good laugh later.
With Love,
Hope
